The Mammoth Mystery Intensifies

The plot thickens on the case of the missing mammoth marker.


It has been a few weeks since we were first alerted to the missing mammoth marker. After sending out an all employee bulletin to gather any clues into the mysterious disappearance of the marker commemorating the discovery of Orem’s first resident Mero the Mammoth, we received a very disconcerting email from a guy named Hugh Mann.

In the spirit of transparency and to keep everyone abreast of the progress in the on-going investigation, we share this letter with you now.

I have information about the missing Mammoth marker that I think you will be interested in.
In the early morning of December 10th, at around 3 am, I saw a bright light shining down over Orem.
I realized that the lights in the sky must be of nefarious means. That is when I saw the craft. It was tetrahedron shaped, and rotating slowly, but the light from below still scanned through the darkness. The light rested briefly on the glass images store, and then quickly zoomed over to the paper store, and then finally found its mark at the Mammoth Monolith.
I saw the light rest on the Monolith, where it seemed to scan for life, until it found what it was looking for. I believe that the craft was recovering Mammoth DNA from that site, because they will use it to replicate the species on another planet. I’ve seen the planet before, when they took me there as a child. But that’s a different story. I also have reason to believe that these race of aliens with the tetrahedron shaped space crafts all look like Rosie O’Donnell. Truly a most fearsome form.
After extracting the Mammoth DNA, they had no use for their location marker, (which is what the Mammoth Monolith truly is, placed there by the Rosie O’Donnell race millennia ago as a marker, and only uncovered recently and turned into a site-seeing gimmick by the Orem Village Elders – also aliens, but different race). They removed their site marker and left the scene.
I must have blacked out at some point, because I woke up freezing in the bushes nearby and found that the alien race must have used a ray-gun of some sort to make me urinate on myself. Truly terrifying technology.
I’m sure that as a government official, you already know of these events, but here is a first hand account of the occurrence. I’d be willing to speak more in depth of my experiences, or about a range of topics including:
– How the U.S. government replaced the entire pigeon population with high tech surveillance drones
– How Bikini Bottom is a communist society and Spongebob creators are using their platform to push communism and eventually resurrect Stalin
– How the moon isn’t real – it’s really just the back of the sun
– How the earth is NOT flat, but actually cube shaped.
– etc.
I’d be happy to speak to you more, on condition of anonymity, of course.
The Truth is out there.
HughΒ Mann

So far this is the only information we have been able to collect on the disappearance on the mammoth marker. We will continue the search.

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