In an outcome more predictable than the rising of the sun, Justin Skillings and Ben Petersen were named champions* at the 2021 Orem City Stars Pickleball Tournament in Sharon Park this week.
These two City Center cellar dwellers annihilated the competition as they marched like a couple of pickleball Napoleons to seize the title as the rest of the participants cowered in fear. They did not lose a single game and some believe they didn’t even break a sweat as they gleefully massacred their fellow employees upon the court.
This is their 3rd championship in 3 years. Their achievement is not unlike what Michael Jordan did with the Bulls in the mid-90’s. It is expected that Netflix will be reaching out soon to begin the documentary.
Their win was not without controversy however. Several participants were calling for the government to step in and break-up this titan team just as Teddy Roosevelt broke up the monopolies of the 1920’s. The Orem City Stars commissioners will be launching a full investigation into the merits of this idea and make a ruling before the next tournament.
The prizes for these pickleball olympians will not be released until both players participate in a drug test and the results come back negative. The integrity of this tournament is too important not to take every measure to ensure everything was above board.
In other news, Tanner Morris did an excellent hosting this tournament and should be commended on his ability to put together a great pickleball tournament.