It’s a typical Tuesday night. Everybody is gathered around the table for dinner. You look around and notice your 11-year-old is keeping to herself, eyes down and barely touching her food.
“What’s wrong, Meg?” you ask, trying not to pry but still knowing something is amiss. She bursts into tears and emotionally vomits the tragedy of the day! “During recess, Karissa came up and made fun of my pigtails. She said that only babies wear pigtails and called me baby Meg! Then, when we were walking back inside, all these other kids walked by and started crying like they were babies and called me baby meg too! When I got back from lunch, somebody drew a picture of a baby on a piece of paper with the name Meg on it put it in my tote tray!”
The rage boils within. The audacity of these 5th graders to make your child feel so insignificant and worthless. Any progress you’ve made in making your child feel safe is gone. “First thing in the morning, I’m walking into your teacher’s office and having a word with them! I can’t believe it! I need to call Laura–she’s on the PTA. Wait till she hears about this.”
So. Did you help the situation? Did you make your daughter feel better? Did you soothe the broken heart? Did you make her feel safe? When the world is breaking around us, the first thing we as parents need to do is calm ourselves. Put your own oxygen mask on before you help your child with theirs. Responding to sadness and anger with more sadness and anger doesn’t help our children to be able to pause and process, it only compounds the issue. So remember: pause, breath, and listen.